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End Dec 2023
2023-Dec-29, Friday 15:30This fall the depression returned.
By mid Dickensfaire, I was as low as I was in 2020 at its worst.
I caught both of the Chanukah menora lighting parties, despite not being jewish.
(Its a beautiful ceremony)
My birthday always falls at a time when my depression is at its worst.
Ive been out of tech over a year.
The calls come in with huge skill lists sometimes more than I have but at a third of the market rates.
It sounds bigotted and I was not raised to be this way, but the Indian tech recruiting community is DRIVING me towards Trumpish values.
They want this whole long list of skills, and then pay lower than the cost of living in Northern California.
When I do accept one of these "chump change" rates, a week later after I make the mistake of comitting, I get another call from another recruiter with something closer to market.
It seems that US recruiters go direct to the client.
Indian recruiters farm it out to sub recruiters and so on, thust costing me 30/hr on the rate.
This is just making the usual winter depression worse.
In Nov the car was rear ended out from under me and I cant afford to replace it.
My 4hr job nights with Amazon that I was often able to get flexed up to 5,
has now been changed to an ALWAYS 3hr shift.
At this point, unemployment pays better than the Amazon job.
Right after open enrollment where I renewed my medical, they took it away from me
because Im no longer able to do 30hrs a week.
(If they were going to take it away why did they pester me to renew my open enrollment?)
I was so thrilled when they finally gave me medical last year.
I showed up at my sisters place for xmas, empty handed, looking like a total bum.
Im cursed with this stupid optimism that says that Ill get out of this in a month,
but then the month passes and Im worse.
Surviving the car wreck was a mistake.
By mid Dickensfaire, I was as low as I was in 2020 at its worst.
I caught both of the Chanukah menora lighting parties, despite not being jewish.
(Its a beautiful ceremony)
My birthday always falls at a time when my depression is at its worst.
Ive been out of tech over a year.
The calls come in with huge skill lists sometimes more than I have but at a third of the market rates.
It sounds bigotted and I was not raised to be this way, but the Indian tech recruiting community is DRIVING me towards Trumpish values.
They want this whole long list of skills, and then pay lower than the cost of living in Northern California.
When I do accept one of these "chump change" rates, a week later after I make the mistake of comitting, I get another call from another recruiter with something closer to market.
It seems that US recruiters go direct to the client.
Indian recruiters farm it out to sub recruiters and so on, thust costing me 30/hr on the rate.
This is just making the usual winter depression worse.
In Nov the car was rear ended out from under me and I cant afford to replace it.
My 4hr job nights with Amazon that I was often able to get flexed up to 5,
has now been changed to an ALWAYS 3hr shift.
At this point, unemployment pays better than the Amazon job.
Right after open enrollment where I renewed my medical, they took it away from me
because Im no longer able to do 30hrs a week.
(If they were going to take it away why did they pester me to renew my open enrollment?)
I was so thrilled when they finally gave me medical last year.
I showed up at my sisters place for xmas, empty handed, looking like a total bum.
Im cursed with this stupid optimism that says that Ill get out of this in a month,
but then the month passes and Im worse.
Surviving the car wreck was a mistake.
